Sunny days

Every person in the world has good and bad moments. Sometimes without even wanting to have one or the other, people feel either happy or sad.
Today is one of my sunny days, and I don't really know why. Could it be because is actually a sunny day or... just because. I won't spend much thought on it. The point is that I would like to extend this sunny day to other people, but how do you become a cheerful contagious person?
I would start by saying that today is one of those days in which I really want to thank EVERYONE who has been in my life for better or worse, for a minute or for a while. THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!!
Thanks to my family to support my dreams and help me achieve them, thanks to my friends to make me open my eyes when I close them tightly, thanks to the people who are not in my everyday life, but for a moment from time to time, thanks to the teachers who are not formally teaching me anymore, but have become a helpful source of wisdom every time I need it, thanks to the teachers I do have (and suffer sometimes) now, because they are strengthening my character and preparing me to go to the work life (and well-prepared), thanks to my boss for being such a kind person, and to my immediate superior for not being such... at all.
I'm thankful; I feel I can scream my happiness. Maybe I have too much sugar in my blood. Maybe I'm on a state of denial. Maybe, maybe, maybe...
I said I don't want to spend too much thought on it, but I cannot cope with my necessity of rational meaning in everything I have, live, achieve or receive. A good question might be: WHY?
Is it because of four years of therapy? Is it my shrink's fault? Or is it that I couldn't overcome (yet) this tendency of putting sticks on my own path?
Am I crazy? Am I delusional? Why am I doing this to myself? Why is it that I cannot enjoy my moments? GOD what am I doing?
No, no, no, I have to feel better again. I have to feel better again. I cannot fall. I cannot show a sad face anymore. I cannot, no; I cannot show a sad face again.
Family, I need you. Where are you? Friends? People not always present? Ex-Teachers? Teachers? Boss? Immediate superior?...
I'm alone...
But I'm not lonely.
I have myself.
What else do I need?
Anyway...THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!! And enjoy your day as much as I am enjoying mine!

Nothing to say

Feeling speechless,
I’m empty,
No words.
Time flowing,
Hollowness,
Ideas running out,
No sound,
Grieving,
Thoughts refusing to appear,
Ordinary feelings,
Sadness,
Ants marching,
Youth disappearing,
No connections,
No ideas,
No happiness,
No sorrow,
Just the “nada”.
Black,
Deep,
Emptiness.
Useless world,
Worthless efforts.

On the edge of burning myself out

These past few days I've been feeling extremely tired. It became a really difficult task to be on time with everything.
I know I have to learn how to deal with everything and work under pessure, but last week was unbearable and exhausting in several ways. I'm one of those persons who always want to solve other people's problems, and feeling unable to do it (especially with my family) makes me feel useless. If we add to this the fact that I cannot help myself to solve my own issues, the feeling is stregthen.
The worst part is that up to this moment, I've considered myself a super-heroine, who could handle many things at the same time without even feeling an inch of tiredness, and suddenly, "out of the blue" I had to accept that I'm nothing else but a human being. What's more, I realized that as such, I feel tired, sick of everything, betrayed, and disappointed by people around me.
I know I'm (in some ways) an obssessive person, who always wants to be the best in everything, but is annoying when you discover your own limitations, especially when you are the only one who refuses to see them.
At this point, I'm in the process of learning many things, and one of the most outrageous one, is learning how to deal with my students' parents' complains. Nobody told me that parents could be such a "pain in the neck".
Since my self-esteem has always been minimal, I've always felt that I'm not good enough in whatever I do. But I hope I could change it some day. All my willingness is put at it. By now, I'm opened to positive criticism, which doesn't mean that I don't feel all the time I could have done everything better. I'm not sitting relaxed waiting for someone who tell me "you can correct this or that".
Although, even when sometimes I feel that I cannot do some things, in the long run, I end up surprising myself when I find out that all my aims have been achieved. The problem is during the process of achievement.
By all the things previously said, I know that sometimes I cannot enjoy the beautiful gift which life itself is.