Make a Smilebox photobook

De ansiedades y demás yerbas

Acabo de visitar nuevamente el blog de una hermana del corazón, y me encontré leyendo una descripción medio fumada pero SUPER artística de la ansiedad que padecemos aquellos que la incorporamos como un "desorden".
Y hablando de ansiedades...ayer tuve visita al ginecólogo que atiende mi embarazo y a pesar de que le pedí que no me dé la fecha de parto aún, el MUY insensato de mi esposo se la preguntó en mi presencia...rayos!!! Yo que estaba cuidando mi umbral de desesperación!...falta un mes y 20 días que se pueden convertir en menos si mi organismo lo decide así. Para colmo de males...mi shrink se toma vacaciones durante toooodo Septiembre.
Entonces yo me pregunto: Y ahora qué hago????
Vuelve a atacarme la sensación de que nadie me entiende, solo mi sister que está a muchos kilómetros de distancia y mucho no puede hacer. Mi esposo me mira como si estuviera loca, mi madre me repite incansables veces que no me haga problema y mi cuñada semi-nueva me quiere llevar a una endocrinóloga!
No quiero tomar medicamentos! Ni del psiquiatra ni de una "yuyera". Lo que más quiero en este momento es que dejen de presionarme en la escuela con la insensata pregunta de "¿Cuándo tomás la licencia?" Si tienen tanto interés por saber ¿Cómo es que no se pudieron grabar el 19 de Septiembre de las millones de veces que contesté lo mismo?
Por desgracia, en términos generales, la gente no entiende a los que tienen "trastornos de ansiedad", nos ven como a locos, desequilibrados y hasta peligrosos. No entienden que el único inconveniente radica en la imposibilidad de manejar esa ansiedad, en la necesitad de no esperar, de que TODO (lo importante y lo no tanto) se resuelva YA.
Entiendan de una vez por todas que no estoy loca, solo un poquito apurada. Tengo paciencia de sobra para enseñarles a mis alumnos y tratarlos mejor que el resto (yo los trato como "adolescentes/personas" los otros profesores en general, sólo como "alumnos"), pero no llego ni al 1% de paciencia a la hora de esperar.
Resumiendo y para dejarlo más claro, me puedo colgar del dicho "El que espera, desespera"...
Si para cualquiera esto es común, para mi lo es aún más.

My days as teacher, tutor and patient gardener at Escuela Normal

Yes, I finally got a job!!! My coming baby was not a problem to get it. I'm happy, I'm proud of myself, I want to scream, cry and laugh. I'm HAPPY!!!!
I have six groups, all different, but all adolescents. My favourite kind of students.
I've been working for a month and every day has been a blessing. Sometimes I have to tell them off because they don't want to do ANYTHING but in general terms they work with me without effort.
My pregnant belly is the star of the show. By touching it, they show me their feelings, by letting them touch it, I show them mine. I always try to keep my smile, in fact it's quite easy because I'm all the time enjoying my moment in front of the class, and my students seem to enjoy the same because our classes are a real learning experience. I don't have to yell at them, because when I stand in front without saying a word, they show me their respect by staying completely silent.
I've been teaching them only for a month, but I have already fallen in love with all my students, I still cannot make a distinction between the good ones and the bad ones, but honestly, I hope I never do it. I have to recognize that those who are bad in English are the cause of my worriment but only because I want all of them to learn.
I hate when I have to draw a cross by their names because they haven't done their homework or they haven't brought their material to work in my class, but I know that I have to do it...and I do it.
Yesterday I had my first unfriendly encounter with a mother that was resistant to accept the idea that her daughter is not doing anything more than talking with one of her classmates in my class. The woman was really upset and quite altered, I had to ask her to calm down because her daughter's situation wasn't my fault. Anyway, at some point I was afraid because I thought the mother would hit her daughter in front of me. She was really altered. Maybe if I hadn't had my pregancy she could have tried hitting me...
Anyway, I'm still extremely happy for this job, and I hope it lasts longer than it is supposed to.

Current situation: UNEMPLOYED

My days are flowing in an awkward way. I'm pregnant, which makes me really happy, but I'm also unempleyed due to my pregnancy.
On one hand, I understand that it's a problem for some institutions to employ me, but on the other hand, I also feel that I'm being discriminated. Nowadays my options are to wait for a teacher to retire, and a friend giving me some of those hours, or wait for open calls to cover a position at the province. In other words, I'm in a stative situation which I'm not acustomed to.
I'M BORED STIFF!!!!!
I don't know waht to do. I'm reading, but reading is not comparable to the rushing times I had last year. I want to do something! I want to be outside. Being at home all the time makes me feel sick.
Anyway, I hope this situation changes in some way at some point, either because I find something to do or because being at home stops being a burden.
See you soon!

Long time no see!!!

It's been a looong time since my last entry. Maybe all my regular visitors are already tired of visiting my blog without finding anything new. Well, this is the right moment to update the world about my life.

On December 13th I finally finished my teacher training studies. I sat for my last subject with a nervous breakdown which (thank God) nobody tried to do anything about. I was REALLY nervous and one of my anxiety attacks decided to appear at the very moment in which my teacher put the papers on my desk. I couldn't read anything! My eyes started to leak, and in a matter of seconds I was crying as a baby. It was a mixture of anxiety attack and impotence for having a sinking feeling that I was useless. I couldn't write because my hands didn't want to move, but I couldn't run away either, because my legs refused to. It's funny that today I can recall everything so vividly!

Yes, I'm crazy. Last year was a difficult one for me. It took me ages to keep up with all the hard work, but by the end of the year, when I was preparing my portfolio, I was amazed by my own capacities. My portfolio, by the way, was the element of my pride.

I have to thank many people, and I've been doing it via mail. However, THANK YOU everyone!!! From my classmates and language teacher, to all the people who supported me every way they could. As I already said, this was my achievement, but it was yours as well.

My birthday was as perfect as I dreamt it, having lunch with my relatives and dinner with the selected group I wanted. For the first time in years I had the chance to decide about the number of people. It was intimate, but it got crazy fun with my brothers and a putative brother throwing a karaoke show especially for me and my closest school friends, we were laughing and enjoying ourselves until 8.00 a.m.!

It was a real honour that my onion/inspiring Charlie came to my house (onion because many times when I was in his class I cried A LOT; inspiring, because my dream is to become the extraordinary encyclopedia that he is... when I grow up).

For Christmas and New Year's eve, I can gladly say that The Romanos had almost normal celebrations, with only a hint of a discussion over the holidays between my parents (which ended when both of them got slightly drunk). Shame on them! Mainly because their children were unexpectedly sober. In the end, the karaoke singing with my strange version of 'Strangers in the night' finished the work of wiping away every possible negative air at The Romanos house.

January. I was supposed to go to Mar del Plata with my son and my parents, but my sickly jealous husband did a great job burning my mind with guilt. So, when the bags, the bucket and toys were already in the car... another anxiety attack! I couldn't go out of my house. In fact, the sleeping pills I took the previous night made their effect on me when I said I wouldn't go. The last time I slept 24 hours in a row I was coming back from Bariloche in my 17s!

From December 14th until January 17th I was sick from amigdalitis, taking antibiotics every damned day with the only exception of one week. In other words...I've been sick for a month! On January 17th I finally got my 'throat balls' removed!!! My doctor asked me to check in at 9.30 a.m. and so I did. My mother, my husband and my son were there with me. Some minutes later my husband's mother was also there and an old friend from school. I was coming and going in my pijamas...nervous. At some point I asked my mother to find out the time in which I was supposed to have my surgery. A nice nurse told us that my name was on the board...at 12.00 p.m.! Why? Why is it that they asked me to go that early? Anyway, at 12.10 p.m. a short lady came and asked me to leave everything in the room... my glasses also. I said: 'Ok! But you'll have to lead my way because I cannot see anything...and the nurse only smiled at me with an incredulous face.

What a painfull post-surgery! The ones who know me couldn't believe that I was literally MUTE, and I've been mute for more than a week. My dear sis Chezika had the great idea of giving me as a gift for the day of my surgery... A MINNIE MOUSE'S MAGIC BOARD! Sadly enough...my handwriting is not as sharp as my mouth. My husband took advantage of the situation and made my post-surgery days a little bit...difficult. He could do whatever he wanted because by the time I finished writing what I wanted to scream...he was already two blocks away from home.

Anyway, those are the news so far, I'll try to write more often.

Until then...GOOD BYE!