Peed by a bunch of dinosaurs

Every person in this strange world has had the feeling of walking under a grey cloud when bad things subsequently happen. In other words, at least once in our lives (being a lucky person) we have to go through a stream of unfortunate events which may either strengthen or beat us.

Whenever these periods occur, we tend to experience disappointment, desperation, frustration and many other negative feelings which seem to be endless. The point is that we have to be as positive as possible for not trying to abandon every thing in which we are involved. During these periods, the best thing to do is to wait. Wait and hang-on until its end. Of course, these words flow easily, but the facts show differences in criteria. Some people are more patient than others. Some are calmer, some are stronger.

From time to time, we have to test our strength by getting up when we fall, without help. If this is well done, our spirit is strengthen, our self-confidence is raised and our willingness to go on facing challenges is at its highest peak.

However, if this is rather difficult, we can have a sense of defeat and thwarting which might be as bad as to lead us to a deep depression syndrome. When this happens, the best way out is to consult with a specialist. Sometimes we can overcome from depression only with our own efforts, but when this illness becomes a pathological thing...it's useless to try getting better by ourselves.

It's not for cowards or weak people to go to a psychologist. It's quite the opposite. We need a humongous strength to accept that we need help, that we're not powerful persons who can solve every problem with our bare hands.

As I said before, the best thing we can do to confront these black time spans is to wait. After all, nothing is forever, and if you belive in God...He will never send you somehing you cannot bear. Everything has its measure, and the main goal, is to help us grow up, emotionally and psychologically. Everyone has to live these seasons of loneliness and sadness to feel better, and value the important things more often. Basically, we don't pay much attention to our health, our loving ones, and our many posesions. It seems that it's never enough, which can be good if this doesn't mean that we don't enjoy every positive thing we have, due to the grieve that cause us what we don't have yet.

In these moments in which we feel that we were rudely peed by a bunch of dinosaurs, we have to bear in mind all the good things that we have, and find the strength to go on in all the people that haven't abandon us yet.

Be patient and enjoy the ride.

We are on the edge

We are at the end of July...which means that we are more or less four months away from our finishing line. By finishing line I mean the end of going to attend classes.
I started thinking about all the things we lived together, and I cannot avoid being too much sentimental about it.
I think that we were one thing when we started, and thank God we all grew up side by side by in different ways.
In some way I feel the same sad feeling I used to feel when I was in my last year of secondary school. I feel that we are all going to take separate ways, and I know for sure that one of my best friends will move to other province. My other best friend doesn't live near my house. Which are the possibilities of working in the same place?
These holiday days are beautiful, and I'm enjoying them, but I miss my friends. I don't like the idea of not seeing them every day for five hours.
I've resigned my job, and this housewife life never was meant for me. I already stated that I'm not a desperate housewife. I'm a mother, a wife, a friend, a student, a teacher, a daughter, a sister, a sister-in-law... I have so many titles, I don't need the housewife one.
Nowadays I spend my days working on a project in my computer and visiting my mother and a friend. My only duties at home are limited to washing clothes and cooking from Monday to Friday (on weekends I have to rest, and my husband cooks)
I'm excited about the idea of finally having my degree. I'll accomplish my goal of being a teacher before my 30's, but I won't have my Lola Mora's life anymore. My down-to-earth place. My stressful release valve for stress. My everyday easy smile.
I'll miss everything. My friends, my classmates, the hurry of deadlines, the knowledge built-up, the English speaking discussions, Gabriel's greetings, my teachers teaching beyond their subjects...
Even if I have to sit for exams to get my degree, I won't be attending classes anymore. I won't be seeing the warm people everyday. We won't be the close, friendly, and hardworking group we are now.
I know I have to work on hat idea on my own, and maybe I'm the only one among my classmates with these worries, but I tend to attach my heart to the people I'm with. I'll work it out in some way, I know I will, but it's not going to be easy. I hope its easier for the rest of you.

My new glasses

I was just reading what I wrote in my last entry and I'm quite amazed. On Friday I talked about the possibility of having my glasses broken... and you know what?...I don't have them anymore. What's more, I had to spend one week...seven full and complete days without glasses.

When I went to the doctor the news were not that good, because at first sight I couldn't see the full range of letters that he asked me to read. He ordered a set of studies which results came in a hurry to say that I was blinder than expected. My myopia raised as well as my astigmatism, plus my pupils are so weak that I have to take some tissue regenerative pills for two months.

My deep sadness only lasted that week in which I couldn't see. Now I only maintain my worries. I hope my eyes don't get worse any time soon.

I asked my doctor about surgery and his answer was: "You need a great deal of time, because there are a lot of studies we have to make in order to know if your eyes allow surgery. Not everyone is suitable for such procedure"

I said: "OK, thank you...it's not a proper moment....bye"

Now that I have my super trooper glasses with all kinds of filters to protect my weak eyes, I should take advantage of them, at least until I finish paying the installments, don't you think? They are beautiful, and according to my sister Chez, they allow people to see my eyes because of the anti-reflex system.
It's not that my eyes are sooooo beautiful to see...but a change is a change. I thought I would change my physical appearance in some way... and I did. I have new glasses now. I see better. I'm more confident when driving my van. I don't suffer my well-known migraines. At least I haven't suffer from that unbearable pain after my eyes got accustomed to the new gradation.
I have new glasses...
Now I have to think about other possibilities to change and go on with this stream of innovations.
I have new glasses....
I'm happy I will see better now.
The only problem I still have is that if you see me in the street and I don't greet you...it's not that I cannot see you...it's just that I'm almost all the time flying with my mind, and I don't pay attention to anything.
I don't know if I can change that...I'll try

Sudden changes, new beginnings

I'm one of those persons who once a year (at least) needs to change her look. But doing it has always meant a break in my routine, a new beginning.
In general terms, I'm quite different to the general attitude of people. My year doesn't begin on January, 1st, but on December, 22nd. Why? Because my birthday is on December 21st. For these last years I started to feel that MY personal year starts that day, but since I don't like routines, I try to change something in my personal appearance some months before that.
For the last ten years my appearance has changed in two ways: size and haircut. The former since I got pregnant, the latter by choice.
Cutting hair is the easiest way of every person to change personal image. In my case, it's loosing some important part of me, as if I were actually cutting the bad aspects of the previous year. Yes, as you may already have understood...I go to the hairdresser's ONLY once a year. It takes me a lot of effort to decide going there. Of course, many reasons justify this. It's my only possibility of leaving behind my dark moments. It's quite difficult to define myself in terms of what do I want from a haircut. It's almost an impossible deed to find someone in whom I can fully trust the appearance I will have for the following three hundred and sixty five days.
This year I'm beyond that. I've been thinking about going to ask someone to change my image for the last three months, but I always have an excuse for not doing it. Mainly related with money. For the time being, I'm waiting for my husband to go to a doctor to discover if I need more gradation in my glasses, because after ten years of having the same glasses which are obviously part of me...I'm changing them.
It's not that I'm abandoning this faithful and loyal companions of the biggest moments of my life. I'm just evolutioning. I'm growing up, and I'm considering the possibility of having a glass broken due to the fragility of the system that holds it.
I can't believe it yet, and I won't until I have them in my hands, or better, in front of my eyes.
I'm preparing myself for such a challenge. What worries me now is what the doctor would say about my myopia. I hope is not as bad as I think, and my reddish eyes are only due to my hours in front of my computer.
I'm changing my image, as I've already changed my attitude towards life. My change of status, maybe by the end of this year, undoubtedly demands a new beginning.

Sunflower fields forever

The most vivid memory I have from my summer trips to Mar del Plata when I was a child, is the image of sunflower fields by the route.
I remember I used to look at them in amazement, not because the flowers themselves were beautiful, but for the shining bright yellow carpet that they could create. By looking at them from a certain distance, I could imagine myself walking in bare feet and being caressed by that golden velvet surface.
The last time I went to the coast I wouldn’t have imagined being away from there for so many years, and coming back was much more significant than what I expected
Last January, I went back to Mar del Plata again with my parents after thirteen years, and it was really moving in several ways.
First, the last time I went, I was a daughter who travelled with her parents and younger brother. This time, I arrived there as a proud mother of a six-year-old boy, with my parents, my son and my husband.

Going back to my perfect place or a holiday, was quite shocking. When we entered the city, everything was familiar in a way, but completely new in another. The city itself has been improved in many ways for an international meeting that took place there some years ago, in which we could see on the news many demonstrations against president Bush.

We stayed there for 8 days, 3 of which I spent in bed with a massive sunburn. I was so excited the first day we went to "Punta Mogotes", remembering my childhood days and being so worried for my son not to get burnt, that I didn't take into account the fact that a 50-factor-protection cream had to be re-spread all over my body every time I went out of water. Staying under the sun with salty water between 10.00 a.m up to 18.00 p.m. is insanely dangerous, but I was so happy, feeling as a child again, playing with my son, looking at my parents faces and enjoying the moment that I only noticed my sunburns when I went to sleep at night and a burning fever was killing me. When I took my clothes off, my skin was red...but a fluorescent red. I was in real pain, but nobody could take away from me the fact that I spent the whole day in the sea.

All of us, except for my son, were burnt in different degrees. My mother, carrying her pain and trying not to notice it, wen to the beach every day! The following three days of my sun burnt, I didn't want to walk near the sun. I walked as someone trying to avoid being discovered, but actually avoiding being touched by the sun rays. Only those as white as me know the pain you may suffer with such burnts.

Anyway, I was so happy there, and so relaxed, that the day we had to go back to Tucumán I suffered from one of my horrible anxiety attacks. We had to stop by the road for thirty minutes because I couldn't breath. I felt that air was so thick that my lungs were unable to process it. My mother realized that I was not OK, and that's where she asked my father to stop.

When we could finally start our journey again, I sat by my mother's side, she hugged me and told me: "This trip moved so many things, right?" I just looked at her and we both started to cry in silence. Without words, we were sharing a feeling that no one else could have understood.

After half an hour of travelling, my sunflower fields started to appear again, and gladly enough, I started taking pictures of them. They inexplicably brought peace to my anxiety, and I could continue my travelling without any other explosion of sadness and melancholy.