Impotence

I don't have a different word to refer to my state of mind. I feel impotent towards some people's actions. Today, after three months of having resigned to my position as English teacher, I learnt about some negative comments that my former bosses have been spreading.

The school's owner out of ignorance, stupidity or who knows, gave the order of not calling me never again. Not even for one day.

After listening astonished to the person that was telling me this, I stayed in shock. For a micro second, I wanted to hit a pair of women. I couldn't believe that they were that bitchy. That pair of witches. I'm so stupid!

I'm so naive in terms of jobs, that I never thought about the truth behind their threats. One of them told me very serious that I should think what I was doing, that I would regret it in the future. I never thought that she would be as mean as to close another door for me. She knew me since I was 13! She knew me for more than half of my life! How could she!

I'm thinking about talking to the school's owner, but just talk to her. At this point, I don't want to discuss anything, I don't want a debate. They were criminals, they should be grateful that I resigned and never consider the possibility of making a bigger mess in the Education Secretariat.

Now I wonder why this is happening to me. Why is it that I have to deal with all this before I even get my degree? Why didn't they ignore me? Why do they keep on trying to destroy my image? Why is it that I'm so important for them? I've just chosen not to go on with their bad movements. I preferred stepping away, silently, without saying anything, just preserving my integrity.

Please, I need someone to explain their attitudes, so I can understand why is it that they are being so mean to me. Please God, give me the strength to keep on living as I live, without trading my values for a monthly payment, without gifting my possibility to keep on sleeping well, with a clean conscience and with the pride of knowing that I've never done anything wrong.