I'm a mess today. I don't know how to explain this twisted state of mind, but I'm full of feelings. I'm afraid, I'm nervous. I just want to quit. But quitting means treason.
I've been upset and anguished for a long time. However, it was today when I couldn't manage things. I couldn't control myself. I spoke in a rude way to one of my classmates, and even to one of my teachers. I was so far away from politeness. And I'm sorry. Were was my controller?
I really fight everyday against my big flaws. But on days like this, I really don't know how to handle everything. I've just escaped from one of my classes. The space was becoming so limited, my teacher's voice started to fade, and I was lost. I just wanted to cry. Desperately. But tears refused to appear.
I don't like being myself today.
Everyday I come to school wishing I were somewhere else.
I'm so tired.
I've lost so many things to reach to this point, and the only thing I want is to run. I just want to run nonstop.
"You are not so concentrated today", he said. "No", I replied. "OK", he concluded. The only thing he cared about was his class. I was not being myself. I'm a mess. And he only cared about my disturbance in the class. We all have bad days, we are all human beings. Please switch off your teacher's alarm for a moment. Put away that mask. Help us to enjoy. Show us the way. We are all adults, but we are also a sensitive group. We need to be embraced with caring attitudes. I urgently need someone to tell me I'm not useless. I need someone to refute my thesis statement, as convincing as to make me change my mind.
Help me. I'm feeling at the edge of falling down into a black hole.
My classmates are my pillars, but today I'm feeling lonely. Having my pillars is not helping me. I don't know exactly what I need, however, I know I need something, right now.
I'm sorry again. I don't like feeling this way. I know that what I need is inside me, but I cannot find the strength to look for it. Help me. Help me in my encounter with a more positive view of my future.
I don't like being myself today. I know I'm wasting time. I should be enjoying the moment as I enjoyed my fifth year at secondary school. I can't do it. What's more, at this point of desperation, one feeling is added: FEAR, the same one I've always felt when I knew for sure that I would regret about not having enjoyed something. This moment will disappear, and I really need to enjoy it now while I'm living, when I'm healthy, and when I have time to do it.
I've been upset and anguished for a long time. However, it was today when I couldn't manage things. I couldn't control myself. I spoke in a rude way to one of my classmates, and even to one of my teachers. I was so far away from politeness. And I'm sorry. Were was my controller?
I really fight everyday against my big flaws. But on days like this, I really don't know how to handle everything. I've just escaped from one of my classes. The space was becoming so limited, my teacher's voice started to fade, and I was lost. I just wanted to cry. Desperately. But tears refused to appear.
I don't like being myself today.
Everyday I come to school wishing I were somewhere else.
I'm so tired.
I've lost so many things to reach to this point, and the only thing I want is to run. I just want to run nonstop.
"You are not so concentrated today", he said. "No", I replied. "OK", he concluded. The only thing he cared about was his class. I was not being myself. I'm a mess. And he only cared about my disturbance in the class. We all have bad days, we are all human beings. Please switch off your teacher's alarm for a moment. Put away that mask. Help us to enjoy. Show us the way. We are all adults, but we are also a sensitive group. We need to be embraced with caring attitudes. I urgently need someone to tell me I'm not useless. I need someone to refute my thesis statement, as convincing as to make me change my mind.
Help me. I'm feeling at the edge of falling down into a black hole.
My classmates are my pillars, but today I'm feeling lonely. Having my pillars is not helping me. I don't know exactly what I need, however, I know I need something, right now.
I'm sorry again. I don't like feeling this way. I know that what I need is inside me, but I cannot find the strength to look for it. Help me. Help me in my encounter with a more positive view of my future.
I don't like being myself today. I know I'm wasting time. I should be enjoying the moment as I enjoyed my fifth year at secondary school. I can't do it. What's more, at this point of desperation, one feeling is added: FEAR, the same one I've always felt when I knew for sure that I would regret about not having enjoyed something. This moment will disappear, and I really need to enjoy it now while I'm living, when I'm healthy, and when I have time to do it.
1 comment:
Dear Pato,
I'm sorry it's taken me so long to read this entry. At this point you have probably overcome this little crisis you had that day - or, at least I hope you have! For whatever it's worth now, I feel this time of year makes us feel that way. The effort of the whole year seems to well up and our energy is close to the point of exhaustion. I've been through the same for a couple of weeks myself and I remember not seeing you well in class a couple of times. Sorry I couldn't be of any help. I hope that the spring air and the warmer breeze help you feel better and that you find solace in the people around you who care for you.
On a different note, let me just say how much I appreciate the chance to get to see an aspect of you that I wouldn't have otherwise. Sometimes we, teachers, take ourselves all too seriously and forget that we do not always need to cover the day's lesson and we CAN take a few minutes to breathe with our students and talk about everything and anything...
I don't know if it's good enough to cheer you up but your work on your blog is AMAZING. You really reflect freely and extensively, you've really made it your own. Congratulations! It's a pleasure to surf around your entries. Keep up the good work!
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