I passed my Language exam, and of course, I'm happy about it. Even when I didn't consider the possibility of passing, I never lost faith. I believe only three of us passed it.
I felt at ease, but I also felt anxiety again. I have studied. I have studied the four units of our course book. The vocabulary and the grammar. I even made a list of words and idioms on a special notebook. I studied a lot. I passed my language exam. I still cannot believe it.
The bad part is that I will have to sit for a final exam on December. Exactly what I didn't want to do. The idea of having my whole family and friends knowing that I'm going to sit for the last exam to have my teacher's degree, is like a lot of pressure on my shoulders. I really hope this pressure doesn't become a mountain on my way. I hope this pressure vanishes from now until the day I have to sit for my final examination. I'm full of hope. I wish I finish my examination with a nice 'congratulations colleague' from the exam board.
I'm already dreaming about that day. I'm having awful nightmares as well. I hope this becomes one of those things you laugh at when you recall them.
The ultimate happiness would be that all of my classmates sitting for the same exam also pass it. We will be partying without end.
I really, truly hope that every stone on our way vanishes, or at least gives us the chance to pass it through. I believe that our effort will be rewarded in the end.
By now, having received a "Good discussion Patricia" as feedback for my essay writing is like the hand I needed on my shoulder to encourage me to go on. Those three simple words meant the world to me. It was the satisfaction of finally doing something good. They were an open door that leads me to keep on improving myself. Even when they were only three words, only twenty letters...they were more motivating than if my teacher would have written something more elaborated. I don't expect more from him. He is a great teacher, but I still believe that I'm a pain in the neck for him, that he doesn't like me at all. However, I know for sure that I will be absolutely certain that he will never gift me a passing mark. If I have one, it's because of my effort, it's because I have earned a passing mark.
I don't deny that I would like that we could build a bond that unifies us in a close teacher-students relationship, but in time I have learnt that not all of my teachers can do it. I mean, I don't want us to become friends, but at least feel the freedom of being comfortable in our classes. I don't know why, but whenever he crosses our classroom threshold, my affective filter is higher, as well as my anxiety.
I wish this can change before we finish our classes, if not, it was a pleasure having met such a great teacher. Thank you for pushing me hard enough as to help me become the best English teacher I can.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Finally...I passed
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1 comment:
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