Being myself again

I've spent my holiday days being a lazy woman. I didn't do anything but play burako with my mother and a friend every day in the afternoon. In other words: I've been enjoying my holidays in an unbelievable unproductive way.

This year I didn't do anything special for my son's birthday. Every year I used to prepare a huge birthday party with souvenirs and a piñata. I used to work from early mornings to late nights in many handcrafts. This year I decided to give a chance to my husband's mother and allow her to buy everything. Of course, I went with her to choose the things we were going to buy.

Everything was related with the toy car's brand "Hot Wheels". The cups, the plates, the tablecloths, and the piñata...everything with a printed "Hot Wheels" picture.

My son's birthday was last Friday. The previous Tuesday I decided that I would paint my house, or at least a part of it. There was some paint left since we painted my house before we moved in, and now I had the time to use it. The front of my house was a mess. A well covered mess with many plants. My husband repeated all the time that we would change it when we have money, because his project was to have the walls covered with bricks. The project is great, but we don't have the money yet. Until that happens, it's good to use the resources we already have. That's why I decided to put myself into this action.

When my husband arrived he told me I was crazy. My answer was: "I know these walls are full of humidity, and they really need a great deal of work, but I prefer giving them a little make-up, even if it lasts only one month...so, don't say a word and help me"

Of course, he only helped me in the little things. The biggest work was done with my lady hands, but the satisfaction was greater than tiredness.

My house is different. I also painted some patches in the kitchen with some remaining of paint, so even when the colour is not exactly the same, you have to look at it closely to notice it.

In some weird way during my two painting days, I had the feeling that I was being myself again. Working from early mornings to late nights. Being tired. Feeling useful.

I've discovered that this state of unemployment is great for a while, but I cannot stand being calm for long terms. I need to use my extra energy in something productive. In fact, the more I do, the more energy I have to do more things. This doesn't mean that I want to go back to the hurry times of Lola's deadlines and teachers' pressure, but I need to do something. I need to work. I need to feel that I'm being productive.

I gave up my job for the values and ethics I have, but at some point, I wish things would have happened in a different way. Yesterday, I passed by the school I used to work, and since children were on their break, I saw some of my old students playing. A strong sense of sadness invaded my soul. I started missing them as never before. It's not healthy to be too fond with students, but I cared about them since the very beginning. Even when I left them, I thought I was failing them in a way, because they surely have a teacher who doesn't care as I used to, that gives them passing marks even when they do not know anything. A teacher who only wants a monthly payment. Someone completely different from me.

I'm only two days away from starting my Lola's classes again, and I have the feeling that this term is going to be more difficult than the first one, not only because it's the defining one, but also because of the emotive charge it's going to have. I hope I can fully be myself again, in order to pass all my subjects in the best possible way.