At a blacksmith’s…wooden knives

I’m not one of those English students who want everyone in her family proficient English speaking persons, nonetheless, I really enjoy with a “Hydish” malignity, whenever I have the chance to say: “I told you to learn something, at least!”
Although it’s not the same with everyone around me, this feeling only emerges with my father and my husband. The former, because he is a professional and he has to read, sometimes, papers or internet articles in English, and what does he (at all times) do??? Calls me! And the latter, because he works in a multinational company, and sometimes he has to receive foreigners who don’t speak Spanish… AT ALL!
On every occasion my father is identified by my phone and with the most childish, sweet, kind and humble voice says: “Neeenaaa, I need your help” (the first word is not translated for the sake of reality)…I just cannot decide if I want to kill him or commit suicide!!
My brothers bought him a Dell pocket pc, which has become my nightmare, because all its software is in English and it doesn't have options to change the language of any type of commands. So, whenever his "acid" hands do something he was not suppossed to do, and the little computer refuses categorically to start, I receive a call. The good part is that maybe, in the long run, I end up being a proficient pocket pc operator!
Last week he called me at an indescriptible hour at night (it was my lucky day, I've come back early from school), and I cannot say exactly the hour, because I was already sleeping. In fact, my mother called me ( as his secretary, voice or who knows). I answered the phone with the chilling sensation of being about to receive bad news. I only said: "What has happened?" (I have caller ID at home also). My mother answered: "Heeeyyy, nooothinggg, it's just your father that needs your help and didn't want to call you, in case you were sleeping...but you were not sleeping right? Because you always come back from school at this hour, right?. The problem is that he is really worried because some signs appear on his pocket's screen, and he doesn't understand even a word! I'm afraid he will have a stroke, or something like that, and...". "Ok, mum, give him the telephone so he can read me what does it say", I replied (imagine my face...and will)
When my father got the phone he said: "Hi nena... jijiji! You were not sleeping right?jijiji. I don't know what has happened with this thing, I just tried to restart it, but now is useless, jijiji!". At this point...I defined myself, and I truly wanted to kill him >:\
My patience was tested once more, when he started reading. Even when I asked him to read everything as it is (not trying to pronounce in English), he said: "Teip iour scrin on te sides to estart iour neu configurashón" And the next thing I said was: WHAT????? Please read it again, slowly and do not try to pronounce anything in English, because I will get confused!!! Honestly, I understood everything but the first word "TEIP", because for me he was reading the word "tape", which had nothing to do with the rest of the instructions.
After some time, my desperation to go to sleep spoke when I asked him to spell word by word...HOLY SOLUTION! I found out that the word I couldn't get was "tap" and the complete sentence was "Tap your screen on the sides to start your new configuration". Then I said: "Dad, what have you done??? You have to set everything again as the first time!!! His guilty inner child uttered a simply: "I don't know", and he started laughing again. And here was when I changed my mind, and I definitely wanted to commit suicide.