Metamorphosis

I've always been considered a fat person, but the funny thing is that now that I'm really over weighted, I don't care much about it.

As a child, when I was 5 years old, I used to be as thin as an African child, with clearly visible bones and balloon-bellied. But after a year and my mother's insistence giving me vitamins and food, I became a chubby healthy child.

My obsession with weight, started when I was more or less 10 years old. My mother and my older brother, started teasing me because I was fatter than the rest of my friends. Until, one day without noticing, I started feeling inferior because of my size.

The nightmare lasted approximately 11 years, with huge fluctuations in my physical appearance.

By the time I was 15, I was as tall as I am now, but weighting only 58 kg The sad part is that I never gave myself the chance to enjoy my thinness.

I was all the time worried about losing more kilograms, and I could see that I was already thin.

I've never suffered neither from anorexia nor bulimia, but in a way, I've always had eating disorders. I remember going to a nutritionist and coming back home with my diet, just to listen to my mother shouting that she would never cook a different meal for me. I should cook it whenever I came back from school if I wanted to follow an ordered diet.

I've never liked that much my mother's cooking, because she used to put too many spices to any type of food, and her cooking almost 90% of the times included fried things.

When I got pregnant, I relaxed myself and started eating everything I wanted. I felt that it was my chance to enjoy without feeling that my mother would make me feel guilty about my weight.

The funny thing is that by the time I had my baby, my mother had gained exactly the same weight as I had gained and neither of us could never lose them.

Nowadays, because of my rushing times, I cannot follow an ordered diet, and sometimes I have breakfast, then lunch, and nothing else during the day, or sometimes, before I go to sleep at night, I eat something completely unhealthy from my fridge. The fact that I cannot lose weight is also due to my sedentary lifestyle. But, to be honest, the only moments when I get depressed about being the humongous closet I am, is when I have to buy new clothes, and every stupid girl at any shop I go, looks at me from top to bottom with an annoyed face and says: "No, we don't have anything of that size".