I'm still shocked for some people's attitudes. I cannot believe that in my former perfect world of teaching you can find certain vices which make the teaching practice quite questionable.
Since I started teaching in fourth grade, I found myself with a complex group. Half of them were lazy, misbehaved, and didn't care even an inch about English. From the first test I gave them, realizing that they were bellow the standard level they were supposed to have, I talked to the head of the English department (to whom I'll refer as SPDM) to notify her what was going on. She told me not to worry about it...until parents' complaints arrived. One day, an overexcited mother came to school and talked to me in a disrespectful way at plain sight of everyone, almost screaming that she wouldn't sign that test because her son got a 2, and she couldn't accept that HER son had such a low mark. SPDM arrived at that precise moment and kept on walking. She hid herself in an office where she could see from the distance how I was being mistreated by this outraged mother. Obviously...she did nothing. When the mother went away, I was feeling quite bad, and SPDM called me asking to gossip what had happened. I looked at her, and started telling her some important things of the mother's monologue. SPDM only said: "I didn't know what was happening, and I didn't want to break into your conversation out of the blue." My next thought was: "You only wanted to cover your back" but I didn't say that to her.
The following day, I received a threat from one of my students. This little monster told me with an ironic smile: "Miss, my mother is coming tomorrow to speak with you... with some other mothers also...about the test results, juaz!" I only answered: "Great! They are going to save me the trouble of calling to tell them how bad you're behaving, and the lack of interest you have with the subject"
Immediately after that, I went and informed the school authorities what had happened and the following day I was walking with the school Director behind me as a bodyguard. I didn't want that...I haven't done anything wrong after all. My only interest was (and still is) my students' well fare. Apparently nobody believed it. In the end, the only ones who came to me, where those parents really concerned about their children learning process, asking in a very polite way, how they could help to improve their knowledge and their marks as a result of that.
Then I realised that I love teaching, but dealing with parents is something I will have to learn, and I will have to accept some day as one of the unfortunate but undeniable consequences of teaching. I love my students, but I don't like parents.
I'm on both sides, meaning I'm a teacher and a mother, and I know how to deal with teachers in relation to my son's learning. I know that respect is the first thing I have to consider when asking a teacher about my son's performance at school. I'm fully aware that my son might be an angel at home but a little savage at school. He might be perfect doing his homework with me, but he might also be a pain in the neck for his teacher at school. Why is it that other parents don't consider all this?
I gave them another test, and more or less, the same that failed the first, failed this one. However, some of them passed with a good mark, showing how much effort they made to pass. Of course, I told SPDM which were the results, and I asked her about the possibility of not giving the test results to the students, to avoid demotivating them. She told me that it was OK, and if they ask I could say that I won't give them the results without explaining anything. That day, I went to the classroom and I told them that I wouldn't give them the results because in general terms, they were not so good, and I didn't want to make them feel bad.
The next day, the same outraged came to ask me to show her the test. When I showed the test, he started developing an insane rage against her son. He got a 4. She saw that he couldn't recognize colours in one exercise, and after listening to me this time, she ended up saying: "I'm so sorry...now I can understand that the problem is not you, but my son...I have nothing else to say...I'm speechless"
When I told this to the authorities, they had a positive reaction. Nevertheless, SPDM asked me to fill in the mark forms in pencil, and give my students a quiz the following week to see if I could improve them. Exactly half of the course had a failing mark for their reports. I did as I was told. After a week and no improvement in my students' commitment, I told SPDM: "I did as you asked me to, but there are no improvements...the marks will have to remain the same." "OK, don't worry about it, but we are going to call a parents meeting to deliver the reports, and I want you to be there to explain the situation to them" She answered. And I didn't worry.
Last Monday I went to work and after I greeted my students, the same student that threaten me a month before, jumped up from her chair and asked ironically: "Miss why do I need help in English if I have a 5 in my report?" I stayed puzzled for a second, because I knew for certain that the mark I gave this particular child was a 3. Since I was speechless, some others also talked and said things like: "Thanks miss for gifting me a 4, I thought I would have a 1 because of my test results and my bad behaviour"; "It was not that important to pass the tests...you gave me a five after all"; "I'm not that bad...I've got a 5" etc etc etc.
I just wanted to go out and start running...I wanted to cry...I wanted to kill someone...I was...heartbroken.
When I could react, I said: "You know for sure that the marks you have in your reports are not real marks, right? Someone has changed the marks I put. By someone, I'm not meaning neither you nor your parents...but someone here within the school. When were your reports delivered?." "On Friday, Miss. But there wasn't a formal meeting, parents just came, looked for the reports and went away" They answered.
The first girl who spoke, was cheating in her first test, and I personally told her mother that she was cheating, because of which she would have a low mark in her report. I also asked her mother to send her to a private teacher, because, leaving aside the cheating thing, she was clueless in English. The mother agreed with me and promised looking for help. Now this girl, having a five, told me: "My mother and I were wondering why should I take extra private classes if I'm not that bad." I tried to make her understand in a different way, but without saying her real mark, that she didn't deserve a 5.
Of course, at the moment I didn't know what to do. I was shocked. I went to look for SPDM when I finished my class, but she wasn't there.
How can someone change someone else's marks without even informing? Was I a puppet for them? How could they modify my marks if they weren't there when my students did or did not do all the things that justified my marks? How could I look at those students who really worked a lot and did all their efforts to pass? The others who didn't care, didn't have the marks they deserved. How could I look at those little hopeless faces? They would think that I was speaking nonsense when I told them about their possible marks. What would their parents think? I would be on the spot for the rest of the year? They would be waiting for anything to happen to come an shoot me with their accusations. How could they give a passing mark to someone who doesn't know, and expect me to be OK with that?
The following morning, I was so sad that I didn't want to talk to anybody. I was secluded at home trying to study for my exams, but I couldn't link one idea with another. I couldn't concentrate myself, and I just wanted to cry out of impotence and rage towards the system. The only thing I could think about, was in delving into my mind to find a possible justification for such a reaction on behalf of the school's authorities. I didn't now what to do, but I knew for certain that I didn't want to go back to school and face my students. I was really ashamed, even when I had nothing to do with the changing of the marks. After all, I was the one to blame if the parents found out that their children didn't know and their marks didn't show that.
My mother phoned me, and after listening to my voice, she asked me what was happening. When I told her the whole story, she was as shocked as I was, and told me to phone my father and ask for his advice. I did it. My dad is my compass in my teaching practise. Not in content matters, because he is an accountancy teacher, but in everything else which is related to the profession itself. He's been teaching for 36 years now, and he has worked in many places, including being the President of Junta Media de clasificación two years ago. So, he knows something.
The moment I finish my speech...he remained speechless for a while. "Daddy, are you there? What is happening? Please, tell me what should I do...I don't know what can I do"...(silence)...
"When I was 25, I worked at a private school and they wanted to do the same to me...I was married and I had a son, but I quited" he said in a broken voice. "The thing is that I wanted to do the same, but I wasn't so sure about such a drastic measure. However, I'm convinced that my dignity doesn't have a price" I said. "The other possibility you have is that you stay there...but how would you feel?" He asked. " Bad" I said trying to avoid my urge to cry. "So there's no other way out" he finished.
He dictated me the resignation letter, and said that I should go and ask for an explanation. I should argue in any aspect, even when I really wanted to clarify my position, and justify my decision. I shouldn't talk, I only had to listen to them. I had to wait until they finish talking and hand in my resignation letter without explanations. So I did.
The problem was that my resignation letter wasn't accepted, and SPDM got crazy when she read the content. She started threatening me, and trying to convince me that it wasn't that terrible what they had done. At one point she said that I shouldn't be such a fool to resign for so little problem, which in fact was not a problem, but a common practice among all the teachers. Wen she understood that I wouldn't discuss my decision with her, she threatened me with legal things.
Anyway...since things went nasty, I phone again my father and he told me to go to the post office, and send a telegram with my resignation.
I had so many projects, I had so many ideas! I wanted to go on working with those children, trying to teach them...but REALLY teach them English. I was absolutely determined to put them at the level they should be. They caused me many headaches, they put tears in my eyes, but they were MY students, my little boys and girls, my rough stones that I wanted to polish...they would have become my pieces of art. I thought about so many things to do with them in order to help them learn. They were my first real challenge in my teaching practice...and I didn't have the chance to say good bye to them, I couldn't explain why I was leaving them...I couldn't tell them that they were not the reason why I left...
My God, why did the authorities do that? If only they haven't done it...
I'm so sad...
So sad...
My dignity isn't for sale...they should have thought about it. I wouldn't stay there just for a monthly payment under those circumstances. I may be "new" in their eyes, but I've been teaching for five years now. Moreover, leaving my teaching experience aside...I'm a 28 year-old person, full of high values, and brought up on the basis of ethics...how is it that they didn't take that into account? How did they imagine that I would leave things as they changed them without complaining? Was I a puppet for them? Just a person to keep those children closed in a room for four hours a week? Just a baby-sitter?
They didn't take into account that even when I don't have my degree yet, I'm an English Teacher whose main interest is not to keep "clients" at school, but to really teach children and be there working for their improvement.
I'm so sad...
So sad...