My life limited by two pink stripes

Five years ago, a cold, but sunny day of July, I found out that I was pregnant. I started calling my husband, then my mom and I wanted to scream it out loud to the world.
When I called my father, he was not at his office and I left a message on his machine saying: "Hi grandpa, prepare yourself to have two grandchildren". He called me back twenty minutes later...crying. MY FATHER WAS CRYING. He was as happy as I was, he couldn't speak at all, he tried lots of times to express himself with words, but it was a really overwhelming emotion that wouldn't let him speak. In the end, he managed to say, "I'm so happy, I cannot speak now, we have to celebrate the news". Of course, I was crying as much as he was because I never imagined such a reaction.
The point is that all our illusions vanished twelve days later, when my doctor said that I had an ectopic pregnancy (the baby was not in my uterus, but in my left fallopian tube) and I neded urgent surgery to remove the fetus. The worst part is that at that moment, I was actually seeing my baby's heartbeating.
Even today, I cannot explain to myself how is it that many women lived what I lived, and could overcome it in almost no time. Why not me? Why is it that I cannot let it go?
After surgery, my doctor recommended me not to get pregnant for the following six months, and I had no problems because at that time I wouldn't like to live the same thing again.
More or less one year later, my husband and me decided to stop using birth control methods and try again to have a second child, but we didn't have any results. I changed doctors so many times that I cannot remember even their faces, and none of them could found a "problem".
Now, four years have passed, I have a doctor who makes me lots of studies every month, but we cannot find any significant obstacle. He said that even when I have only one fallopian tube working properly, I can get pregnant as every other woman in the world.
Since July, 2006, I've been doing a low complex treatment, which included taking some pills every month to stimulate my ovaries, but I had to stop it because I had ovarian cysts due to their over-stimulation.
Another door was closed, and I could only think about life unfairness. Why is it that so many women kill their babies with abortions, and I cannot get pregnant? Why we can find women with more children than they can take care of, and cannot? Why, why, why?
Every month when I have my period, I suffer my illusion's death, and even though I'm exhausted, I cannot stop thinking about it. And the two pink stripes refuse to appear in every pregnancy test I take.
Last month I bought an ovulation test called "evaplan" which has the same procedure as pregnancy tests, but it can tell you when you have your major fertility period. This month I cannot find the two pink stripes, and is depressing to be just a witness of my monthly incapability to get pregnant.
I always have hope and wait to see good results, but as I clearly said before, the real problem is the anxiety that I feel while waiting.
Life smiles at you, until it stops...and then smiles again in vicious circle. Every day, I'm just waiting to see my life smiling at me in relation to this topic, because I'm fully aware of the many smiles I received in other aspects of my life.