Sunday, April 22, 2007

On the edge of burning myself out

These past few days I've been feeling extremely tired. It became a really difficult task to be on time with everything.
I know I have to learn how to deal with everything and work under pessure, but last week was unbearable and exhausting in several ways. I'm one of those persons who always want to solve other people's problems, and feeling unable to do it (especially with my family) makes me feel useless. If we add to this the fact that I cannot help myself to solve my own issues, the feeling is stregthen.
The worst part is that up to this moment, I've considered myself a super-heroine, who could handle many things at the same time without even feeling an inch of tiredness, and suddenly, "out of the blue" I had to accept that I'm nothing else but a human being. What's more, I realized that as such, I feel tired, sick of everything, betrayed, and disappointed by people around me.
I know I'm (in some ways) an obssessive person, who always wants to be the best in everything, but is annoying when you discover your own limitations, especially when you are the only one who refuses to see them.
At this point, I'm in the process of learning many things, and one of the most outrageous one, is learning how to deal with my students' parents' complains. Nobody told me that parents could be such a "pain in the neck".
Since my self-esteem has always been minimal, I've always felt that I'm not good enough in whatever I do. But I hope I could change it some day. All my willingness is put at it. By now, I'm opened to positive criticism, which doesn't mean that I don't feel all the time I could have done everything better. I'm not sitting relaxed waiting for someone who tell me "you can correct this or that".
Although, even when sometimes I feel that I cannot do some things, in the long run, I end up surprising myself when I find out that all my aims have been achieved. The problem is during the process of achievement.
By all the things previously said, I know that sometimes I cannot enjoy the beautiful gift which life itself is.

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