Smile though your heart is breaking

Sometimes we feel that desperation is stronger than any other feeling, thinking all the time that there’s no way out.
Well, it’s not always neither as tragic nor as never-ending as we believe. In my opinion, everything is a matter of time. The real problem comes while waiting, due to the anxiety produced by the waiting itself.
Phrases like “don’t worry, it’s not that bad” or “the problem is that you are losing perspective” seem to be annoying, but even when we cannot see it, they are (almost 99% of the times) true.
For so many years I’ve been a professional “worrier”, I’ve been “pre-occupied” in things which might have never been an “occupation” at all, and of course, that’s a tiring way of living. The thing is that I was with a huge smile drawn on my face twenty-four-seven, and in the end, to smile though my heart was breaking, was not as good as Streisand’s song says.
Every person has to release in some way the pressure that they feel. It’s unimportant if you do it by crying, screaming, or just saying what you think. The key factor is that you have to give up hanging on while trying to be a superhero. After all, every superhero has a frailty or a weak side, Superman with his kryptonite, for example.
I used to think that I could do everything, and help everyone with their own search of happiness, without feeling tired. I suffered a humongous frustration the day I realised (psychotherapist in between), that even when I gave my best effort to support the idea, I was not an octopus, and I couldn’t please anyone if I wasn’t happy with myself.
I’m still working on that, because it’s not easy. After living (4 years ago) a harsh year, I started suffering from stress, due to the fact that I thought I had to be “ok” to put my shoulder to the situation (I was seeing my family falling apart). I reached to the point of suffering from anxiety attacks when I had to face someone’s judgment about me. At the beginning, it was all related with exams at university, but after some time, it became a dreadful fear to go outside my house.
Now, looking back, I think that all this happened because I smiled though my heart was breaking, and I was truly unable to face the truth of being nothing else but a simple human being.